Archive for God

Bitter-sweetness

{ Sunday, February 22, 2009 @ 8:59 pm } · { Famliy, God, Youth Group, fear, love }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

It’s been such a hard emotional mentally challenged yet sweet and awesome week and weekend for me.

Having my brother coming back from U of Oregon for a week was a great thing. However, he came back for our grandfather’s funeral.   This is bitter-sweet.

Knowing my mom was sent to the hospital by the ambulance and the fact of unknown of why she was in hospital when I was work scared me because I was not able to reach her. But talking to the doctor about my mother was okay after I got there made me feel a lot better. This is bitter-sweet.

From what I experienced about how I was so afraid of losing her to knowing that she is going to make it through let me realize how much I love my mother and cannot afford to lose her yet. This is bitter-sweet.

Getting stuck in the traffic from Santa Ana to Van Nuys for about 2.5 hours while listening to my little pink ipod nano, out of four hundred and eighty four songs I own in my ipod, God arranged to play my two favorite worship songs and have my mentor to call me to see how I was doing at the same time. He knew that I needed Him at that moment as I was going through all these and trying to process my emotions. Telling God that “God! You have gotta be kidding me!” that I was just so in awe of what He has done for me in my life so far. This is bitter-sweet.

Going to Winter Youth Retreat as a youth leader and knowing that I would not get enough rest for the upcoming week for work discouraged me and felt a little dragged from the retreat. But God is good! He helped me, and I did have a good time with the youth, especially the girls. Realizing that God did some AMAZING work in their lives this weekend encouraged me to want more of good relationships and friendships with them, and it wasn’t a drag anymore. This is not just bitter-sweet, but it’s beyond sweet!!!

Going to my grandfather’s funeral and being able to play my sweet guitar for his funeral in front of my relatives, and my family was such a privilege. This is bitter-sweet.

So much to take in, so much to sink in, and so much to process and digest within a week. But God was with me, is with me, and will be with me. God is so faithful. He is beyond more than anymore can ever imagine!

” Do you not know? Have you not heard?

The Lord is everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall;

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

They will roar on wings like eagles;

They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

- Isaiah 40:28-31

9 months

{ Friday, August 22, 2008 @ 11:23 pm } · { Autism, Children, God, Work, future }
{ } · { Comments (1) }

It’s been months since I wrote the last online journal, where should I begin? I left UCSB for good (but I’ll be back next year), and started to look for jobs. Let me tell you this, it was actually one of the toughest time of my life beside that one time Santa Barbara incident. I felt so lost, so useless, and so upset that I didn’t have a job and not a college graduate yet. And I thought to myself and God that why is this happening to me, why not other people. I was very frustrated and confused that what I was going do the next year or so.

I think one of the reasons that I “stopped” writing blogs was that I didn’t want to face it and how harsh it had been for me. Looking back… being jobless for almost three months is definitely the lowest point in my life. It was like I’m not a college graduate yet, how am I going to find a good job.  Yet God was good, He provided a job to me that I would of never ever thought I would like it THAT much. I’ve been working with children who are under the age of 3, and I work with in all programs, including cognitive, speech, social, emtional, and behaviorial programs. It’s been almost 7 months, and I’ve learned a lot from the clinic.  I questioned myself if this is something I want to work for a long period of time. So I talked to parents whose child or children have autism, and it turned out that I have a desire to help their children to live a normal lives. I feel how painful their parents feel when they have children who have autism. And because I’ve worked with so many hard cases, which means I’ve worked with a lot of low functioning children, makes me want to accept the challenge and change people’s lives.  Seeing them improve a little already motivates me to push them a little more, seeing parents notice the difference in their children motivates me to work with them, and having such wonderful coworkers who are willing to sacriface their time and put extra effort in children’s programs motivates me to do the same thing. I seriously love my job, and I thank God for it.

God’s image

{ Sunday, April 15, 2007 @ 11:51 pm } · { God, Images, future }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

As I mentioned about God’s images couple previous blogs. I think God’s images are pretty cool. I never thought I would got these kind of images from Him. I was talking to my friend, Paul, and asked him how he got those, because I wanted to see one so bad. I was like how the heck can I get those images. Finally, Paul and I prayed about it, and He showed me something, which I thought it was pretty amazing.

I see myself in a hot dry desert using a rope to pull a big rock, no matter how hard I try to pull this rock with the rope, it’s just too heavy. Then, I find myself really thirsty due to the weather in the desert, and suddenly, there is a topical garden with a water fountain. So I run to the fountain, and drink some water. That’s the image I had from God the other night.

So I wasn’t really sure what it meant at the first place, but as we prayed about it, I thought the rock is like my burdens and struggles I have on my shoulders, and I feel like I bring it with me everywhere I go. But God knows they are really heavy that He wants me to put them down, and He gives me something that I need, just like when I am thirsty in the desert, and He offers me some sweet water. The water is like my future, it’s going to be sweet.

Well, I’m just happy that He gave me an image. Ok, I’m out!

Exhaustion

{ Wednesday, March 28, 2007 @ 5:11 pm } · { God, Moving, Spring Break, prayers }
{ } · { Leave a Comment }

After an intense three weeks of studying and finals, Spring break finally came. Thinking that I can rest more, eat more, sleep more in order not to get sick again, and have enough energy to go back to school, but the answer is no for the first part of my break. I had to move into a new house, which is an exciting news, and on top of that, I’m getting my own room for the first time in my life ever. Back to moving, so I had pack stuff. It’s choatic at my new house. I don’t even know where to start unpacking now. My body has reached its limit that I need to rest, so I think I’m taking a day off from “work”.

Looking back winter quarter, I had my moments of ups and downs. From getting bad grades on my quizzes, to feeling disconnected with God, to sharing memories with my friends, to boy’s problems, and seeing God’s provided images in my head, make me feel like wow I’ve been through a lot this quarter. Because of the moving and all, I don’t have a Bible handy with me. I wish I brought it with me. But I’m happy that I met with Becky, she encouraged me a lot, and said something I needed to listen. I felt like my soul has been refreshed from God’s word through her mouth, from her prayers, from yesterday’s weather that it was cold, cloudy, and rainy, and the sun came all sudden. How funny!

I’m here at my old apartment using someone’s wireless (haha, I know it’s illegal, but I had to go on the internet), and it’s pretty empty and a little chilly. I need to get out there, and enjoy my day.